Lucy & the “One Night Stands”

How one woman made her birthday wish come true, and learned so much more from the process.

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My birthday was magical. My husband and our grown children spent the day readying our home. A barbecue buffet was set for guests; The backyard was groomed for lawn sitting; The deck was swept clean of debris.The twinkle lights were hung in the tree on the deck which served as the stage for “Lucy and the One Night Stands.” It was going to be a big night for me, and I was nervous, but I learned something very important at the end.

The weather was spectacular. A breezy 70-degree evening—unheard of at the height of a Chicago summer. Backyard lawn seating started at 6:30 p.m. The audience set-up their blankets and chairs on the lawn amidst the garden beds of prairie plants and tables with beer, wine and red solo cups.

After plying party goers with food and drink (a 3-drink minimum was required of the audience before the band started.) My band started playing at 8 p.m. sharp. It was pure joy.

I was singing with an incredibly talented band, whom I miraculously had convinced to support me in my dream, of being a ROCK STAR.

Lucy Dallman

The band had done a quick run through of all the songs at 5 p.m. I was super nervous and of course there were some technological glitches—but all was righted by the time guests started arriving. Still I worried, would they think I’m nuts?

My family insisted I stay in the house or the back yard while they greeted concert goers in the front. They wanted to make the party as much like a real concert as possible.

Guests checked in at a card table and even received a wrist band if they were over 21!

As I looked out at the sea of family and friends on our lawn, I was overcome with gratitude and love for all of the people in my life.

So, this happened.

I was a ROCK STAR for a night. One magical evening in the middle of a Chicago summer, my family and friends suspended their disbelief and allowed me to live out my dream of being a Rock Star.

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I couched the notion as a way to celebrate my double nickels birthday. OK so it took me—HUM…I am thinking—four years from crazy idea to actually pulling off a rock concert—BUT I did it.

I had to convince A LOT of people, that this event could happen. Maybe that is my secret super-power? Convincing people to take part in my crazy creative notions?!

Spark of an Idea

The idea first came to me while attending a play at the iconic Chicago Steppenwolf Theater, circa 2015. They had just created a small theater adjacent to their bigger space. This small theater space was rentable to bands, theater groups, comics…anyone willing to perform and pay for the space. My head was spinning with possibilities.

My childhood friend Eileen and I like to celebrate big birthdays together. After viewing the space, I proposed a 60th birthday celebration (years away!) that would consist of renting the small theater and producing a Variety show for friends and family. Wouldn’t that be fun?!

The response I got was quite unexpected: “NO WAY. I am NOT performing anytime in the near future. You can do it. I will support you, BUT I will not be joining you on stage.”

Bullying to Performing

Performing for me has been a part of who I am for almost—forever.

I remember being in my basement as a child making up plays for my imaginary friend Arla (where does a 3 year-old come up with an imaginary friend with that name?) and I to perform.

I was part of a children’s theater group in grade school, where a musical was produced once a year. I was a theater geek instead of participating in sports.

Throughout highschool, I was part of the theater crowd. I shared the lead character roles of the musical and dramas with my friend Eileen. One year she would be the lead I would be the supporting role. The next year our roles would be reversed.

Throughout this time, I remember playing albums on the shared family turntable, holding up an “air-mike” and singing my little heart out! There was something about performing that gave me such a rush. A high without any added substances. Just my own voice and body.

Performing, definitely, got me through the awkward teenage years. I would become a different character on stage or in the basement. Trying to overcome the early puberty which threw my child’s body into an adult size body in the 5th grade. It was not easy being the “plump kid.”

Junior high kids are especially cruel. I was the butt of a good share of jokes. Performing, even if it was pretend in my basement, helped me escape that kind of bullying.

I went to a Big Ten midwestern university. It was made clear to me by my parents that they would not financially support a college study of music and or theater. At the time I was OK with that. I figured I could always audition on my own if I really wanted to perform. I got a degree in Elementary Education which has afforded me a career where I perform every day—all day long!

Keeping the attention of 25 students for 7 hours a day takes A LOT of energy, acting and improvising on the spot. It also has provided me with a career that gave me great work-family-life balance. I went to work when my kids went to school. Teaching has worked out well for me and my family.

So when Eileen said, “NO” to the 60th birthday performance idea, I put the Steppenwolf rental/variety show on the back shelf of my crazy mind.

How It All Came Together

Fast forward to school year 2017-18. I had changed jobs at my elementary school teaching gig. I was now setting-up the ART room at the local public elementary school. Really my dream job.

After 18 years of teaching in a number of different roles; Special Ed, ESL, gifted, third grade—I finally landed a job where I could explore my creative side and practice. I would be teaching a subject which did not require me to administer standardized tests or evaluate any student’s work, other than a participation grade. The one glitch to my dream job was location.

The ART room and music room are connected by an accordion NOT a soundproof wall. Students have to walk through music to get to art. Anything one teacher says can be heard in the other teaching space.

I LOVE it when the drums come out!

Lucy Dallman

I learned the music teacher, whom I would be sharing the space with, was a brand-new hire. The music teacher was a him, quite unusual for an elementary school music position. He was my eldest son’s age.

In those first few weeks of teaching in a shared space we fumbled through the poorly thought out logistics together. It was not an ideal teaching space for either of us, but we made it work. Little did I know how amazingly talented he was/is!

I witnessed a new musical instrument arriving at school every other day. By week Seven or eight, I asked him if there was any musical instrument he couldn’t play? He very humbly replied, “It’s just my thing. Other people play sports, I play music. I don’t know it is just something I can do.”

When pressed, he does admit, “I have not mastered the violin yet. There is something in the bowing which I can’t get.”

REALLY, Mr. Music Man?!

SO the answer is NO. There isn’t a musical instrument he cannot play.

(WHAT?! It still amazes me!)

Getting to Know My Co-Worker

As I got to know my work roommate, I learned that he spent a number of years traveling with different bands, he played in wedding bands, was part of the summer festival tours, and collected all sorts of musical instruments which are housed in the third bedroom of the house he shares with his wife and daughter.

I finally asked him one day – WHAT THE HELL are you doing at here? He replied, “ I choose this life. It is a much better fit for me and my family.” He is so mature. Wise beyond MY years.

I refer to him as my young “Sein Sei.” He is a self-proclaimed introvert, (which is becoming a THinG!). I, his ART teacher partner, am the exact opposite. (What Introvert is going to throw a birthday party for themselves and make the guests believe they are a Rock Star?! I talk and talk and talk.)

And he listens or humors me and pretends to listen.

When he does share of thought, observation or story, I am amazed by his profound insights. I go through life boisterously doing and not always thinking things through. Mr. Music Man never seems to jump into anything without thinking through his actions.

In the book Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking the author Susan Cain expounds on the practices of introverts to listen and act out of a knowledge base which is thoughtful and intentional. And she chides the rest of us for not giving them more space to share their often wise ideas.

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So, in October of 2017 when I off handedly told Mr. Music Man, I had always wanted to be a Rock Star. He asked no questions. He didn’t even blink.

He said, “Well, you should do that. We can make that happen.”

SO, if the ultra-talented and experienced musician thinks I could pull-off being a ROCK STAR for one night….maybe I could?!

Oh Yeah. Super Power. I just got an extremely talented musician to help me with my CRAZY!

I have to admit, I am just a little in LOVE with Mr. Music Man. NOT the illicit affair-break up marriages kind of love but rather the awe-inspired love that watches him make quiet, yet powerful choices in his life. I have A LOT to learn from my current Sein Sei.

I got the musical genius to help me, now I need to break it to my family and friends that on my birthday, they will be invited to “Lucy and the One Night Stands.”

Family & Friends Needed Convincing

Each telling of the future event resulted in many questions and strange looks. As I told each friend group, colleagues or my family members I was asked all sorts of clarifying questions:
Who is in the band?
o Music Teacher on acoustic and electric guitars
o Friend’s husband on drums
o Nephew from California coming in for the weekend on the keyboard
o Me – Vocals
Where will you perform?
o Our suburban backyard
o Lawn seating-bring your own chair
o There will be food and drink before hand
What are you going to sing?
o 4 songs by Mary Chapin Carpenter
o 5 songs by the Indigo Girls
o 1 Sonny and Cher duet

Blank stare. Confused look on a friend’s face. Then—”Why are you doing this?”
o Maybe this is my mid-life crisis
o I like to celebrate birthdays
o Wait, doesn’t everyone want to be a ROCK STAR?

With each question I was able to refine what I wanted and my crazy idea was turning into something.

How To Get To Carnegie Hall

I started taking singing lessons. I practiced with Mr. Music Man during our common break time. I contracted with a graphic designer to create invites. I made list upon list of food, logistics of the backyard and day-of timelines.

All along the adventure, I got all kinds of encouragement. These crazy out-of the-box thinking ideas are not new to me.

Most of my friends and family are used to my crazy creative notions which may or may not come to fruition. I do believe the journey is more important than the outcome. (Process vs Product!) In this instance there was only one glitch in the process.

The resistance came from my husband. NOT that he wanted to squelch the Rock Star idea—He just wanted to be in the band too! This was not an unreasonable request. My husband and I met back in college doing a musical theater adventure.

But this Rock Star Gig, I wanted to do on my own.

Maybe, it was a midlife crisis for me? We had spent the last 30 plus years working together to raise and provide for 3 children. Our family always came first. And when you make those choices a little bit of yourself gets lost along the way.

I WOULD NOT change any of the choices we made. BUT, maybe it was my turn to break out, just a bit on my own?! I just knew that it had to be my show.

“What do you mean I don’t get to be a part of the band?” He and I had MANY conversations leading up to the concert which always ended in, “I know this is hard for you—BUT I really want this to be my thing not our thing.”

We compromised.

He got one song and the honor of being the MC to introduce the band. He wasn’t pleased, but he acquiesced. He excelled at both the duet and the MCing.

That is my guy. Whom I met while performing in a college play. Who for 35 years, has been my life-partner. He takes care of me. I am the scatter brained, pile- making, creative to his ultra-organized, black and white military thinking.

Living life together for 35 years in the western suburbs of Chicago has been a wild ride of ordinary middle-class life. Not always easy. But certainly, always an adventure.

We fondly tell each other, “I don’t always like you, BUT I do always LOVE you.” Lots of give and take.

And on the birthday Rock Star adventure, my husband had to give way more than he was able to take. He did not get to participate as much as he would have liked. He wanted to sing lots of songs with the band. He got one. His Sonny to my Cher. “I got you babe!”

He surprised me the night of the concert by selling t-shirts to the 100 plus guests. Which, unbeknownst to me, he had printed with the band name and concert details. He instructed the audience to put the t-shirt on after I started singing the second song.

I have to say it does bring a tug to my heart when I think about all of the times throughout our years together where he has supported me in my creative adventures. And when we really kiss, I still get a little butterfly in my stomach. He is MY Rock Star.

It Wasn’t All About Me

In the end, what was most magical about the evening was not that I was a Rock Star for one night. Although, I have to admit, it was pretty amazing. What was magical was an evening of friendship and music.

It was a veritable lovefest of friends, family, laughter, tears, cheering, music —helped along by A LOT of alcohol.

We passed a hat and thanks to the generosity of my friends and family we collected $2,500 for a local literacy charity.

I thought I wanted to be a ROCK STAR to perform and be on stage, but what I really found out on the night of my birthday was how important all the people in my life are to me. My friends and family really did treat me like a ROCK STAR. I am blessed!

As a human who has lived for more than half a century, I firmly believe we all need friends. Some of us need many. Some just one. Traveling through this life without close human connections I believe is a problem. I worry for the next generation who consider online friendships as human connections.

Maybe I am just becoming that generational LUDDITE. I do believe the human touch, voice and presence is what pulls us through life. So, I try to make friends everywhere I go. It helps that I am truly interested in learning about other people and what makes them tick. It also helps that I am married to a someone who shares the same interest in collecting friends.

I do know how lucky I am. I am grateful for all I have been given thus far in my life. I have sought out and surrounded myself with interesting, caring, kind and generous people. I am so blessed and grateful for the life I live, made possible by the many people I have collected along the way.

I do hope my super-powers of connecting with, collaborating with and collecting friends everywhere I go holds out for the rest of my life.

PS BTW:

• In 2018, Eileen auditioned for and was accepted into the famed Second City Improv Conservatory Class. Maybe the variety show at Steppenwolf for our 60th is a possibility?
  
• “Lucy and the One Night Stands” has morphed into “The Arts Department.” Mr. Music Man and I sing most days from 10-10:20 AM. We are working on a new play list. Stay tuned.
  
• My hubs still wants to join the band