Come On Already … WHEN is this going to end?

As the months drag on, I am trying to envision post COVID life and how it could be better. And then I thought of the habits that I hope die off

(along with the COVID 19 virus).

1). The close talker.

We all know who he/she is. The person you shy away from at the party or at the grocery store. Even if you step back, they inch forward, especially if they’ve tied a few on. I ran into one of our local close talkers recently while walking my dog and I was pleasantly surprised to notice that they stood six feet away from me. I did not even get a whiff of what he had for lunch. Just delightful!

2). The lip kisser.

We all have a friend or relative who is a lip kisser, typically a man, because most women don’t want to smudge their lip stick. I know this runs in families and is almost considered hereditary, but it turns me off. I do a quick cheek turn and avoid eye contact like an 8th grade girl. I am really hoping this dies off, like the fanny pat of the 1950’s.

3). The awkward hug.

Hugging has really gained prominence over the years. Maybe with the rise of social media and decreased in-person time, we hug friends we normally only see as a 1-inch image on a screen. We know so much about them that our relationships seem much deeper until we embrace. Then it can seem awkward. I am worried that post COVID we will be so starved for human touch that hugging will spin out of control like my roots, the crabgrass in my yard or my celebrating Happy Hour every day.

4). Meaningless conversation with acquaintances.

Early on, I really enjoyed the wave at a distance. It acknowledges that it is nice to see you without the painful 10 minute catch up. But as the months drag on, I am so desperate to converse with anyone that I am considering talking to my old neighbor and listening to them complain about how difficult it is without their cleaning person /hairdresser /dog groomer /babysitter /fill in the blank. At least it gives me an excuse to open the Rosé before 5 pm.

5). The picture parties.

See details of 3 & 4, mix in in a bunch of adults who really do not know each other, uncomfortable boys and teenage girls posing for pictures an hour longer than anyone could have ever imagined. Does anyone ever look back at that clumsy flower pinning picture?

6). Botox injections.

I know I am being judgy here, but it would be nice to see women look pissed off, confused or haggard again. Come on, we all feel it, it is just so damn annoying that during times like these some of us do not look it. How do they do it? Or is there a vanity filter on ZOOM that I cannot figure out how to install? Who can I call to help me with that?

The cough is the new gunshot.

Eileen

7). Hand cougher.

“> I think this became a habit after most men stopped carrying a handkerchief. Why don’t they cough into their sleeves? I get that the occasional sneeze comes out of nowhere, can multiply and cannot always be contained, but you can really feel a cough coming on—you have notice. The average ear cannot determine if your cough indicates that you have something stuck in your throat, or have allergies, the flu, or a pandemic virus. A cough is the new gunshot. Target that thing in your elbow, sleeve, bare arm or go retro and cover your mouth with a tissue or a handkerchief. Better yet, WEAR YOUR MASK!

8). Break room food.

“I know some people just LOVE to celebrate their birthdays and bring in treats or a cake to leave sitting out in the break room all day. Others so kindly bring in unhealthy, leftover holiday treats to get the junk out of their house and thus torture their coworkers. How many people have touched or breathed on Aunt Eleanor’s lemon bars or Cousin Marilyn’s Costco sausage and cheese platter or leftover Halloween candy from 2018? Dr. Fauci would have a panic attack!

9). Long Meetings.

Companies and organizations will look for alternatives to the crowded, unventilated meeting room. The tech companies’ practice of the quick standup meeting is a good one. The idea is that a group meets in a certain area, stands, conducts the meeting, and then goes back to their stand-up desks. This is difficult for most women over the age of 50 who’s bunions, planter fasciitis or fallen arches ache, or are who simply exhausted from another broken night’s sleep. Zoom has shortened meetings for some, but others love seeing themselves, created their ideal back drop and think you are interested hearing about how much their cat loves to sit on the warm keyboard.

Maybe Zoom can create a participant maximum word count usage that can be established by the host. It could be a running tally under their name. This would be most welcome at village board, condo associations and League of Women Voters meetings.

As the months go on, this list will surely grow, along with my cuticles, pants size, and general unease about the future.

I would love to hear from you about your ideas. Please leave them in the comment section.