When your children were young you spent your entire life setting boundaries. Remember when they began to crawl and then walk? It was your full time job to make sure they didn’t reach the staircase or knock over the plant and on and on and on. And as they grew, you evaluated their capabilities at the neighborhood park or a swimming pool. Could they navigate the monkey bars? Were they ready to try the diving board or swim in the deep end? Whether you knew it or not, your attention to them and their safety made it so that you were constantly setting boundaries to keep them safe.
Mostly I find myself trying to remember the theme song from Frozen—“Let it go!”
Dawn Lantero, parenting expert and author of S.P.L.A.S.H. Parenting
But then they grew up. And now, as a mom of grown children my—the—role has shifted considerably. Now I find myself constantly evaluating my own boundaries. Do I comment on their appearance and risk hurting their feelings? Do I mention an incident I observed that might give them the impression I don’t like their girlfriend or boyfriend? Will a comment about how they parent my precious grandchild end up causing resentment?
Moms of adult children need to consider what our boundaries are…and continually remind ourselves that we are not in control of our adult children’s lives—nor should we be. We used to pick out their clothes, but now they have their own style. We used to share our feelings about their friends, but now they choose with whom to associate. We raised them, so we feel as if we understand parenting—but they need to learn to parent in their own way, with their own results in a different age of parenting.
I have found the muscles used to keep your mouth shut develop and strengthen over time.
Dawn Lantero
Boundaries keep us safe. Maintaining boundaries with our adult children should help us guard our relationship with them. I have found the muscles used to keep your mouth shut develop and strengthen over time. And I hope that by setting my own boundaries in order to respect my grown children and appreciate them for who they have become will guarantee a bright future for our supportive and loving relationships.
